What the FAQ
Do we actually exist?
Are you sure?
Why should I buy a greeting card if life is meaningless?
Because we use our minuscule profits to try to fill the hole in our hearts with some sort of meaning.
I mean, because maybe you can use the card to get the love you never had as a child. So, there.
Um. Okay. So, shipping?
Right. All cards in small quantities are shipped using rigid mailers First Class USPS. For single card orders, shipping is $1.50.
This is the least expensive way to get these cards to you without risking damage, and without making customers pay over $6 for priority mail on a GREETING CARD. Those USPS guys are kind of dicks and charge a little extra for having "nonmachineable" packaging, but we put up with it because we love you. Larger quantities are sent in the way that makes the most sense.
We'll ship it however you want though. I'll send that shit on a silver platter to your doorstep with a dude dressed like Elvis if you really want. But, it'll cost you.
If you sign up for our mailing list though, you'll get free shipping on orders of 2+ cards. Whee!
Can I return my card purchase?
Look, dude. You made a choice and now you have to live with it. Also, if you return it, it will hurt my feelings and I'll probably carve your order number into my arm with a razor blade.
I mean, sure, I guess that would be alright. As long as you're happy.
Do you wholesale?
Totally. Send us a message using the contact us form or email firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll get you set up. The future holds a really awesome wholesale website.
Do you have a mental disorder? Do you think hate is okay? Do you realize my only friend was a drunk magician who has an illness and love of cake and that all of these cards are offensive triggers to me?
I'm also a drunk magician with an illness and love of cake.
Oh wait, I'm writing this to myself because my website.
Now it's weird.